Am I a Perfectionist? 10 Signs of Perfectionism in High Achievers

I love high standards.

I love a strong work ethic. An eye for detail. People who want to be excellent at what they do, and aren't shy about it.

So tell me. When did wanting to do excellent work become "too much"?

When did working hard for something that's important to you become a bad thing? Something you almost have to be embarrassed about?

Somewhere along the way, doing the bare minimum became normal, and wanting big results for little effort became fair enough. Meanwhile, excellence became a bit awkward. Say you love your work, and someone will warn you you're heading for burnout. (Thanks for your concern. I'm fine.)

So let me say this, because some of you need to hear it.

If your standards are high and you still finish things, take risks and enjoy the ride, there's nothing wrong with you. Keep your standards. Be proud of them. And surround yourself with people who respect them.

High standards never stopped anyone from getting things done.

Here's where it becomes, well, problematic.

Your standards become impossible when they stop you from finishing the task. Or from going after the project you really want.

And it usually happens in one specific place. Most of my clients are brilliant at most of their life. Then there's one area where they're not very good yet. A new skill. A bigger role. Their own business. That's where perfectionism shows up, and they avoid even looking at it.

If you want the steps to change that, read How to Overcome Perfectionism.

Let's look at the signs.

For each sign, I'll show you how a high achiever with healthy standards responds, and how a perfectionist responds. See which one sounds more like you.

You land the client, hit the target, get the promotion. And within seconds: "Oh, it's not a big deal." "I was lucky." "Anyone could have done it."

High achiever: takes a moment to say, "I did that."

Perfectionist: brushes it off and moves straight on to what's next, or what went wrong.

Even when someone handed you an opportunity, you were the one who took it and made the most of it. That counts.

High achiever: "I'm not great at this yet. Let's learn."

Perfectionist: puts it off, again and again, because being a beginner feels unbearable.

And very often, the thing you're avoiding is the exact thing that would move you forward.

High achiever: driven by excitement. "I want to see how far I can take this. How fun would it be to make this really big?"

Perfectionist: driven by fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of failing. Fear of being found out.

Both can work very hard. Only one of them enjoys it.

High achiever: strives for daily excellence in the small things. Gets the process right and trusts the results to follow.

Perfectionist: dismisses the small things. "But that's not the main result." All eyes on the finish line, none on the steps that get you there.

You set a goal. You miss it.

High achiever: "My plan was: if I do X, I'll get Y. It didn't work. What in the process do I need to change?" Then they try again, and again, until it works.

Perfectionist: "I'm a failure." "I'm not good enough." It feels like a personal attack.

When there's no sense of safety inside you, every result becomes a judgement on who you are.

This one follows straight from sign 5. If every result is a judgement on your worth, bold action is dangerous. So you hold back. You procrastinate. You stay with what you already know you can do well.

High achiever: makes a mistake, shrugs and says, "Well, now I know that doesn't work."

Perfectionist: avoids anything that could hurt their self-esteem. Which is most things worth doing.

Either it's perfect or it's ruined. Either you do it 100%, or you don't do it at all.

It also shows up as taking on far too much. Your career, your health, your relationships, your home. You want to transform all of it, at the same time, starting Monday.

High achiever: "Today wasn't my best day. What's one thing I can still do?"

Perfectionist: "I've blown it. What's the point?"

(I know this one from my own life. More on that below.)

High achiever: "I'm one person, with limits. What matters most right now? And where can I get support with the hard part?"

Perfectionist: "I should be able to handle this. If I can't, there's something wrong with me."

That's one of the reasons high achievers move faster. They don't try to do everything alone. They get support: a mentor, a coach, a team that's good at what they're not. Perfectionists see needing help as proof they're failing.

When you hear the word "should" in your head, it's usually your self-criticism talking.

High achiever: hears feedback as useful information. "Good to know. What can I do with that?"

They keep their sense of worth separate from their skills. Feedback tells them something about a skill they're still building. Their worth stays exactly where it was.

Perfectionist: hears it as an attack. Skills and self-worth are tangled together, so feedback on your work feels like feedback on you. One comment from a boss or a client can stay with you for days.

So you replay one comment from Thursday's meeting all weekend. In the shower. At 2am. On your one day off.

And how's that working out for you?

High achiever: "We're 60% of the way there. That's real progress." And celebrates it.

Perfectionist: "But we haven't got the main thing yet, so what's the point?"

No milestone is ever enough. So you never get to enjoy the journey, even when you're clearly making progress.

(Names and details in this story are changed.)

Rachel was Head of Brand for a global company, splitting her time between London and New York. Clearly accomplished. Clearly capable. She saw herself as a high achiever, and she'd never have called herself a perfectionist.

Then she showed me her goals.

I was stunned. I couldn't see how anyone could do all of that at once.

When I suggested choosing what mattered most, she got defensive. "They're all important. All of them. Right now." When I asked why she couldn't have fifteen number-one priorities, it got personal. She should be able to do it all.

Over time, she opened up to the idea. And what she found surprised her.

The huge list was a hiding place.

As long as she was "doing everything", she never had to go all in on the one thing that mattered most. And going all in meant she might fail at it. She was terrified of making mistakes, and terrified of becoming a failure. She hadn't seen it at all.

She hadn't seen the rest either:

• She had no respect for the process. Only the result counted.

• Nothing was ever good enough.

• She couldn't own a win. When someone praised her, her body shut down and she brushed it off straight away.

So we worked in two places. In her mind: choosing what mattered most, and learning to love the process. And in her body: learning what it feels like to receive a compliment, and to praise herself, without shutting down.

She redesigned how she set goals, at work and at home. At work, the first two hours of each day went to her most important work. Only after that was she available to her team.

She was scared to do it. The results were remarkable. Those two focused hours added up fast, and she progressed very quickly.

Want to read more stories like Rachel's? Have a look at my client success stories.

I've lost more than 30 kg. And for a long time, perfectionism made it so much harder.

It showed up as all-or-nothing thinking. If I didn't stick to my plan completely, it was a bad day. I'd ruined it. I was terrible.

I took the whole journey very personally. I gave myself no compassion. I never asked what was doable, or what would be good enough.

Things changed when I started working on exactly that. I gave myself more flexibility. An imperfect day became just an imperfect day, instead of proof I'd ruined everything. And I celebrated every small win, especially the ones that had nothing to do with the scale.

Slowly, "I should go to the gym" and "I must stick to the plan" became "I want to be someone who looks after her body. This is who I choose to be."

There was no one big change. Just lots of tiny, imperfect shifts in how I thought and made decisions. Somewhere along the way, I stopped being someone trying to lose weight. Now I simply think and act like a fit, healthy person.

That's why, for the first time in my life, the weight stayed off. Who I was on the inside had changed, so there was nothing to go back to.

So if you recognised yourself in sign 7, I get it. I've been there.

Answer yes or no. Be honest with yourself.

1. When someone praises your work, do you brush it off or point out what could be better?

2. Is there one important thing you've been putting off for months, because you're not good at it yet?

3. Does missing a goal feel like proof that something is wrong with you?

4. Do you often feel you "should" be able to handle everything?

5. Does one slip make you feel the whole day, week or plan is ruined?

6. Do you rarely celebrate progress until the big goal is done?

Mostly no: you probably have high standards, and they're working for you. Keep them.

Two or three yeses: perfectionism is showing up in some areas of your life. Worth a closer look.

Four or more: perfectionism is likely costing you more than you realise.

This is a quick reflection to get you thinking, nothing more.

If you're reading this with a slightly heavy feeling, I understand.

It's hard to realise that the thing holding you back might be you.

You've worked hard. You've achieved a lot. And somewhere along the way, the very drive that got you here started getting in the way of what you want next.

Ouch. I know.

But here's the good part. If you're the one standing in your own way, you're also the one who can step aside.

You can't transform what you're not aware of and what you don't understand. And you've just become a lot more aware.

If you're wondering why you became like this, read What Causes Perfectionism? If you want the steps to change it, read How to Overcome Perfectionism.

So, are you ready to get out of your own way?

Having high standards is a good thing. Perfectionism becomes a problem when it stops you from finishing, from taking bold action or from enjoying your progress. If it's keeping you stuck or exhausted, it's worth looking at.

High standards help you act, learn from mistakes and keep going. Perfectionism makes mistakes feel dangerous, so you delay, over-check or avoid. A simple test: does your standard move you forward, or keep you stuck?

Yes. Perfectionism is a pattern you learned, often early on, and learned patterns can change. It takes awareness, self-compassion and practice. Many of my clients keep their high standards and lose the fear behind them.

If you recognised yourself in these signs, you don't have to figure it out alone.

Email me to book a short get-to-know call.